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I am friends with several guys in their mid-30s who are all freshly divorced. Back when they were still love struck, they all said that they were marrying “the one.” But a couple years later, every single one of these guys ended up getting divorced. And what were their reasons? One of my guy friends, who I’ll call Bill, said, “Everything about our relationship had changed as soon as the honeymoon was over and we moved in together. She started to get demanding and she didn’t act like the sweet, caring person I thought I married.”
Doesn’t Bill’s situation sound familiar? For some reason, by the time an official marriage certificate is issued, many marriages are already in shambles. Is it the women’s fault? Are they trading the sexy outfits in for gray sweats too soon? Are they nagging too much? Or is it that love, passion, and mystery whittle away after you start sharing toothpaste?
Truthfully, I think marriage makes most men feel trapped. Nowadays, you don’t even have to get married in order to have sex, live together, and have kids, so most men wonder why they should even bother with the formalities. But women are a different breed. We ladies typically make it our goal in life to get married. Without that official paper, our relationships feel worthless! And we can’t stand it when our friends and relatives continue to ask us, “So, are you guys married?” and we can only answer, “No, not yet…” We just want to get marriage done and over with, so we pressure our mates into getting hitched when they’re still not ready.
The guys feel duped because up until the wedding day, their girlfriends dress sexy and put on makeup, tell them what they want to hear, and promise to be their personal Betty Crocker. But after they tie the knot, these gals do a 180; they gain weight, nag about how their husbands don’t do enough around the house, and stop being as adventurous in the bedroom or even performing in the bedroom at all. Before a woman gets married, she is way more concerned about the way she acts and looks because she wants to convince her boyfriend to propose to her. But once the official papers go through, the panicking stops and the bitching begins.
At this point, the men thoroughly regret their decision and wish that they never got married in the first place. They grow distant, and the women start to nag even more because they can’t understand why their husbands are acting “weird.” My thoughts are that this kind of fiasco could easily be avoided if women would stop rushing their mates to get married. Why are women so concerned about having that little piece of paper in their possession? Do they think that a man is less likely to leave them if they are husband and wife? Or do they feel like they have to be married by a certain age?
It isn’t always the women’s fault, though. Many guys blame their wives for marriage problems in order to make a quick exit. They say that their wives have gained weight, become difficult personality-wise, or lost their libido, instead of taking a long, hard look at themselves and thinking about how they can make improvements. By blaming their wives for everything, they give themselves an excuse to call it quits.
But I think the biggest issue here is that people are lazy and complacent. Marriage is hard work. You have to learn to compromise and you have to be empathetic. If you aren’t willing to sacrifice anything for your partner and you can’t accept that marriage isn’t as rosy as it’s portrayed in every Hollywood romantic comedy, then stay single and buy a pet. Marriage doesn’t destroy relationships if you get married for the right reasons, but if you can’t accept the fact that marriages take a lot of effort, sacrifice, and patience to maintain, don’t expect your union to last long after the initial passion wears off.
What do you think? Is marriage a relationship killer, or have we simply forgotten the real meaning of marriage?